the to and fro of the las vegas airport.

before sharing the fun of visiting home, i thought i'd share the not so pleasant experiences leading up to and the aftermath of my trip.


the to:
after flying into las vegas at least twenty times, i've come to know what a good majority of my fellow passengers will look like, and how they'll most likely behave. they are often twenty and thirty somethings in groups of guys or girls. their loud chatter about where they're going to party, what shows they'll see, and wagers of who will get most plastered and do something stupid is heard all over the terminal and then even louder once they're seated. girls in the dead of winter will be spotted wearing stilletos and mini skirts with fake tans, while the guys they're hoping to hook up with are wearing ed hardy jeans and bad hair. and it's a guarantee that i'll hear that famous irritating statement "what happens in vegas..." at least five times.

the day i flew into vegas with spirit airlines happened to be the first day they were making connections to and from portland. at the terminal i found a gathering of happy flight attends toasting their cohorts with champagne and asking me a million times if i wanted a cupcake or a cookie. the bubbly flight attendants(because they had to with their big bosses around) and the large group of bachelorette party turned the scene into a "woo girl" party.  clapping, taking pictures, and dancing. when the plane landed to pick us up, there was a  giant "woo" cheered across our gate. i might have been in a better mood if the flight wasn't running an hour late, or if i hadn't just embarrassed myself by showing the entire airport the back of my underoos as a result of my backpack pulling up my skirt. it was going to be a bad flight before it even began.

since i'm always going to las vegas as a stopping point instead of a destination, i still have to worry about how i'll get from las vegas to st.george (a long/boring 1.5 hour drive.) when i go home to visit.  this time i had arranged for the shuttle to pick me up at the airport and drop me off. the pick up time was 9:30 pm sharp and i knew with the flight delay i'd be cutting it close. as we boarded i realized i was the second row to the back, and  i was sitting next to the "woo girls" of the bachelorette party. luckily they were very nice and apologized  for their embarrassing behavior that would no doubt ensue on the plane. as we were getting closer to las vegas i asked the flight attendant a couple of time for an ETA and for the gate we were landing at. "9:15," she finally told me. i started to freak out a little bit knowing that if i missed that shuttle there was a good chance i'd be slumming it alone in vegas for the night. the bach girls asked me if i had a connecting flight, but i explained my situation. they begged the stewardess to let me off the plane first, but she quoted some stupid TSA rule and walked off.  finally another rad FA came to our row winked at me, and told me to grab my crap and book it to the fourth row. i hurried to the front, (with another "woo" as my background noise) knocking everyone as i rushed past, and tried to ignore the stares as i sat down right before landing. i was the first one off the plane, running to the shuttle like a crazed idiot. huzzah. i'd made it.

the from:
now, leaving las vegas is usually a different story. those, "woo girls" walk around with dark shades, and shopping bags. many of them are quiet and subdued  hungover. however, there's still that small annoying crowd that shouts "what happened in vegas STAYS in VEGAS.. no posting pictures on facebook you hear me jimmy?!"

i was anxious to fly last night. i always feel bummed to be leaving "home" and my family and friends. the vacation was over, and sadly it was back to reality. as i finally boarded, i sighed as i realized that i was the middle seat.  the man sitting next to the window was weird. neurotic almost. he crouched against the window and asked me if the flight would be full (really he wanted to ask, "why are sitting right next to me?") i shrugged and waited. unfortunately our next travel companion showed up and sat in aisle row.

before the plane had even taken off, the aisle girl had started nodding off, and eventually weaseled her way over to my shoulder. (fyi: i'm extremely claustrophobic when it comes to people and spaces). i coughed. i moved my arms, tried to shrug her off. nothing. the plane roared and still she was zonked out. five minutes into the flight weirdy window seat man said, "i need to go to the bathroom, can you wake her?" i began moving my arm over and over again trying to push her off.  i calmly said "maam? hello?" with no response.  i then proceeded to poke her and speak louder "MISS? Hello?" but she still remained in her previous state. window guy then asked,"she's breathing right?" i checked. yep. she was breathing.  he started to get antsy, and in turn made me that way too. to make matters worse, we were experiencing some pretty bad turbulence, and i was  praying that i don't vomit on all three of us. five minutes later, he looked at us and asked again if i would wake her. that time, i flopped her head over to her side of the seat and she flopped it right back over.  great. she's passed out on me. awesome.

after accepting defeat, window seat man finally relaxed and mumbles that he'll just wait to use the restroom when he lands. just when i don't think the flight can get any stranger, he then pulled out his bag and takes strips of paper out, and proceeds to make what appears to be a paper chain (like the christmas countdown chains in green and red.)

at that point my freak flags are waving high. i had to resist shouting "what is going on right now?! seriously? does anyone else see this?"  but i prevailed, and at last the pilot announced our final descent.

just in time for aisle seat girl to wake up, and rub her neck looking as if she had a kinked neck.


( i really had to refrain from asking her "oh, does your neck hurt? i wonder why?")


whoa.. and if you got through that rant, you win a prize. gold star for you!